either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
