If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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