Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
