Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They are going to name an STD after you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
