Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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