He kissed a someone with a penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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