you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
