I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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