New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
