ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
