well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
