he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
