It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My dick has a subreddit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
