And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
