3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
