My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
