I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
