so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
