marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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