Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
