I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
