he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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