Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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