I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
