What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
