I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
