More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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