And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, beer. Big fan.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
