I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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