Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize