You can't motorboat a personality
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
