Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
