i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
