I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
