why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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