She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
