By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
