sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
