Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
