News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
