my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i think my cat just said my name.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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