I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
