Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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