You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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