They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
