Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
