hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
