Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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