Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
