That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
