john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize