Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
