i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
