Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if only i could text you this smell
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
