As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Actions speak louder than pants.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
