it wasn't lemon gatorade
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
