Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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