His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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