seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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