Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Pappa wants mamma naked
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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