you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
