i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
