How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
