Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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