But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
