i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize