i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
