moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
