btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
