I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
