I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
