we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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