If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
