They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
